High Expectations

Recently while talking to a pastor, I asked him, “So, what does your week look like?” The look on his face revealed so much about the reason he was dealing with stress in his life. As he began to explain all the things he was doing, it became quite obvious that he was exhausted, and on the road to burnout.

One of the key problems with the schedule of the typical pastor is the desire to always satisfy the “High Expectations” of everyone around them. Everyone has their phone number. Everyone receives an answer to social media messages. They are expected to have the answer for every Bible question, and the solution for everyone’s struggles. Pastors are expected to pull off huge events with limited budgets, and their family is supposed to be perfect. Lol.

I remember when my daughter was younger, one of the team members saw her going into an area of the church that she shouldn’t have been in, and when they gently confronted her, she replied, “It’s ok, my dad owns this place.” Gulp!

Pastors are expected to have a fresh, powerful message every single Sunday. They are expected to set aside their time for every single person who wants to meet and discuss their problems, while at the same time, facing the challenge of caring for and ministering to the needs of their own family.

A pastor may have initially entered into ministry because they love people, and want to help them grow, only to find out that not only are they the pastor, they are also the CEO of a corporation. That is something that most pastors have trouble wrapping their head around. Another huge disappointing revelation for most pastors is that Seminary or Bible College did not prepare them to be a CEO, or even for most of the day-to-day things they experience.

We could go on and on and on and on and on. And inside every pastor is a huge fear that says, “I don’t want to let anybody down.” Pretty much every pastor can read through this and relate to most, if not all, of the things mentioned here and I’m just scratching the surface.

So how do we deal with the “High Expectations” that we find ourselves dealing with as a pastor? I want to give you some ideas. Please know this is not an exhaustive list, but just a few thoughts to get you started.

First of all, you are going to need to change some things. And we all understand that change is hard. Someone said years ago that “The only one who likes change is a wet baby.” Someone else said that “All change is perceived as loss, unless you understand the reason for and the benefit of the change.” In our case, change is necessary for us to move through ministry without burnout. Change is necessary for us to be able to be good stewards of our time. Change is necessary for our own sense of well-being.

We need to understand that first of all, we have to have our own personal time with God. Our relationship with Him is first and foremost. When I talk about time with God, I’m not referring to studying the Word for a message or time spent ministering to a person. No, I’m talking about spending time alone with God in His presence, refreshing and recharging. I’m talking about time where we talk with Him about the pressures of our circumstances, and find emotional healing through the Holy Spirit.

Then we have to have time for our family. After time spent with God, again not ministry, but quiet time with God, then your family becomes your priority. We all know of too many families that have been left behind by the demands of the pastor’s ministry and the “High Expectations” of others.

Then comes ministry to others. So, first time alone with God. Secondly quality time with family, and then, and only then, ministry.

We have to learn to set healthy boundaries in ministry. I think that one of the reasons that some churches don’t grow is because the pastor is involved in every aspect of the church and is trying to be solely responsible for everyone in the church. A high energy pastor might successfully care for about 80-90 people, and the operative word is “might.” 

To set healthy boundaries, you have to learn a very important word, “No.” Because the truth is… you can’t go to every birthday party. You can’t go to every event, perform every wedding, and meet and counsel with every single person. It’s so important for pastors to learn to delegate responsibilities to trained leaders to assist them in the ministry. It’s important to have strong, vibrant small groups where people can learn and grow and care and pray for each other.  

Healthy boundaries will open up time for your personal self-care, your time with God, and your time for your family. Healthy boundaries will help you have the time to re-connect to the reason you got in ministry in the first place. Healthy boundaries will give you a chance to take a breath every now and then, and rediscover the joy of ministry, and the joy of seeing lives changed.

Again, this is not an exhaustive list, we could spend several blogs just talking about this idea. But let me leave you with one more thought. You need people in your life that understand your role as a pastor, and the best people for that are other pastors. At Pastor to Pastor, we’re only an email or phone call away. We can walk you through the stress, the issues and the problems of ministry. We can also help you to connect with a “Band of Brothers” that you can build long term relationships with, so that you can grow and minister to each other. Explore our Pastor to Pastor resources and get connected, it can absolutely change your life.