The Perfect Storm

“I've never met a problem a proper cupcake couldn't fix.” ~ Sarah Ockler

I thought by way of introduction, I would start by telling you a little of my story and struggle. Back in the year 2000, a movie came out based on a real-life event that happened back in 1991. The movie was called “The Perfect Storm.”  It was about a sword-fishing boat called the “Andrea Gail” and how it got trapped in the worst possible storm. Several weather fronts and a hurricane all hit at the same time creating something that had rarely been seen, they called it the perfect storm.

My perfect storm hit in 2012. Ministry was going fast and furious at the church that I was pastoring. We were in two services and feeling the need to add a third service. We had also opened a second campus that we called Coast Downtown. It met in a bar on Sunday nights with the idea of reaching the downtown crowd in our area. At this point, I had been in full-time pastoral ministry for 22 years. It was an exciting time, but I was also exhausted. And all around me, my “emotional and spiritual weather channel” was warning of the coming storm, but I wasn’t listening. I was running way too hard. 

It was during this time that several things happened all around the same time. We were anxiously awaiting the birth of our first grandson, and one day my wife Vicki noticed something that didn’t feel right in one of her breasts. We decided to set up an appointment to have it checked out. The initial meeting confirmed that it was suspicious and that a biopsy would be necessary. It was a beautiful summer day when the diagnosis was confirmed, Vicki had breast cancer. We were facing a journey that would include surgery and chemotherapy. I remember stepping out of the doctor’s office into the parking lot and holding each other and crying. It was about the same time that we found out our grandson was being born, so we went home, packed our suitcases, and left for South Florida. Over the course of the next couple of years, storm after storm came. A dear friend committed suicide, then both of my grandparents died. We had a staff member, who I dearly loved, that had to be removed from our staff because of character-shaking decisions he had made. We walked him through a season of restoration and were able to bring him back on staff and he messed up again. There is no way to describe the sadness that this caused in me. We helped another church launch through ARC (the Association of Related Churches). We were the sponsoring church and after a great start, the stress of ministry took a toll on this young pastor, and we had to shut it down.

Truthfully, I could go on and on. It was such a difficult time and as it all went down, I went into major burnout. Over the years I had struggled with a minor cycle of depression, but now depression was hitting me hard and heavy. I didn’t know what was really happening at first, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I pulled back. I kept people at a distance. The result was that people began to get disgruntled and leave. This became a further hurt because many left without ever talking to me. I felt like I was going through the most difficult season of my life, and these were people that I had poured into when they went through tough times. I felt abandoned. Ministry became harder and harder. I felt like it was taking all my energy to hold the wheels on. Then, with all of this going on, I began to struggle with my church board. These were Godly men who I loved with everything inside of me, and to be at odds with these guys was heartbreaking. The hurt and the pain began to grow deeper and deeper. Soon I began to have panic attacks. I had never experienced anxiety like that before. I began to look for answers. During this time, I read a book called, “Leading on Empty” which was written by Pastor Wayne Cordeiro. Though it took a while, this book helped me find healing as I began to chart a course to find health again.

In our city there is a psychologist who specializes in ministry to pastors. I began to meet with him regularly. He helped walk me through a lot of things that would eventually bring healing. But the damage was done. In the worst moments during panic attacks, I would read the Psalms and pray through them. There were many moments when I begged God to let me quit. I told Him that I would be glad to move to south Florida and play with my grandson every day. I would work a regular job and be the best church member a pastor could ask for. And God over and over again would say, “No. I called you here. I called you to pastor this church.” So I stayed. During this whole season, we lost most of our church. We had to start over again and try to faithfully serve God, build His church, and pastor people, all while I was still trying to get healthy myself. Fortunately, during this time, I was a part of a small group of pastors that I met with regularly. This group of pastors spoke life and encouragement to me and God truly used them to be life savers for me. It took a while to deal with the hurt, fight off the bitterness, and overcome the anxiety. Through God’s faithfulness, He began to surround me with a strong group of friends that loved me, a group of pastors that supported me, and new church members that joined us as we began to rebuild. It was hard and scary, but it was also exciting and fulfilling.

Let me ask you this, what is your “perfect storm”?

You need to be aware of this because it’s in the midst of the storm that the temptation is to pull away, and in doing so, we often find ourselves in burnout. I will be talking about overcoming burnout in some upcoming blog posts, but I wanted to give you a thought or two.

In James 1:2-4 from the Message, it says, “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” In other words, God is at work in you. He may not have created the circumstances you are going through, but He will use them. In Romans 5:3-5, the Apostle Paul writes a very similar message, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” I love the things we learn in the example of the Apostle Paul in the bible. He was a man who went through many tough circumstances. He was beaten, stoned, thrown in prison, shipwrecked, and so much more. Was it hard? Absolutely. In 2 Corinthians 4:8,9 in the Living Bible translation, Paul writes, “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.” For those of you who are old enough to remember “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba, now you know they weren’t the first to say this very true statement, “We get knocked down, but we get up again!” because the Apostle Paul said it first.  

Here at Pastor to Pastor, it’s our joy to come alongside you, encourage you, and help you regain the passion that you had for ministry when you started. It is far too difficult to walk through life by yourself. Life is far too chaotic to try to get through your circumstances with your own strength and power. Zechariah 4:6 in the New Century Version says, “You will not succeed of your own strength or power but by My Spirit’ says the Lord.” God says, your strength is not enough to get through all the things you are going to experience in a broken world and that is why so many people lose heart. Anyone person going through life using just their own power and strength is worn out, tired, and feels like giving up. In this life, you will face difficulties, but you can walk with courage and confidence. When your perfect storm hits, don’t try to go through it alone. At Pastor to Pastor, we have a team that has been through these storms and by the grace of God has come out the other side. Let us be an encouragement in your life as you continue toward your calling!