God, I Had Different Plans
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. -1 Corinthians 15:58
Have you ever felt frustrated at your current place you’re at in ministry? Perhaps you’re a pastor that planted a church or maybe you took over a church from a spiritual father or another pastor. Either way, I’m sure you can resonate with the never-ending feeling that where you are isn’t where you think you should be. I know this feeling all too well.
I stepped into the Transformation Church Lead Pastor position pretty quickly, and let me tell you, it was a crazy first couple of years. Then, after many learning experiences and location changes, I really felt like we had finally caught our stride as a church. We went portable in our local movie theater, where we had great teams who showed up early to set up and stayed late to tear down our entire portable church. We were having great Sunday service experiences and God was moving and changing people’s lives. It was going so well. So why weren’t we growing the way I thought we should? If I can be honest with you, I was so frustrated! I looked at church planting networks and heard about 400 in attendance on launch day and then others growing to 1,000 people in two years. I’m two years in as lead pastor with an incredible team and between people joining the church and some leaving, we were at the exact same numerical spot we were two years prior. Let’s just say this was going way differently than I had planned. I started to wonder, “Am I a failure?” “God, are you sure you called me to this?” “Did I make a mistake leaving everything behind to pursue this calling that seems to be failing?”
Comparison is an interesting thing. And by interesting, I mean a damaging, painful experience that sucks every bit of joy out of you! There is always somebody doing it bigger and better than you. There is always a church we can look up to and say, “One day I’ll be there”. But here’s my question, who said you would? This was a painful, yet necessary reality, that God brought right in front of me during this season.
Let me give you some insight into the world of Brad Livingston. Scary - I know! I’ve found out recently through my therapist/counselor that I have some pretty big issues with trying to prove something to a particular group of people from my childhood. This group of people, who were staff members and part of the deacon board of a church, tried to destroy my family. Yes, literally. I remember this group telling my father, Pastor Dan, that they will be happy to see him and our family on the streets one day, with no home and nothing to our name. To say that during my lifetime this has damaged my ability to experience true joy in the place God has me is an understatement. I have an unquenchable desire for what’s next and nothing is big enough, growing fast enough, or progressing enough for me to enjoy it when I always feel like I have something to prove. But how do I prove something to somebody that isn’t even thinking about me? Moreover, if I never slow down enough to really understand why I feel this way, how do I change it? I didn’t realize this until I sat down one day with my counselor telling him this exact story. By the way - If this is a sign for any of you to go find a counselor or therapist for the sake of your own mental health then do it! If it’s good for you, then it’s good for your church. Forget what stigma surrounds it! You should always do what you need to do for your mental health, especially as a Pastor.
THE MOMENT IT ALL CHANGED
I’ll never forget one Sunday after church I went home, sat on my back porch, and cried. I felt like a failure because, after two whole years, we weren’t at Elevation Church status in our online participation or worship culture. We weren’t at Church of the Highlands status in our Small Group participation and weekly attendance. Man, I’m a failure! It wasn’t a loud resounding moment that I felt this, but rather a moment where the slow dull roar of doubt finally reached a pinnacle moment of deafening silence around me, where everything that was good seemed inadequate, everything God was doing seemed joyless, and everything I was doing didn’t seem to be working. In the dull roar of silence where my thoughts were making more noise than a concert ever could, I heard God say in an almost audible experience, “So what would it take?” I thought to myself, what do you mean? In my spirit, I heard God respond, “What would it take for you to feel successful? What’s the number? The attendance number that would make you feel successful?” I said out loud, “A thousand”. And in God’s graciousness, he said, “And when did I promise you that?” I thought for a few minutes and as tears started to roll down my face I said, “...Never”.
God had never promised me a thousand-member church, He called me to pastor this church. God called me to pastor and shepherd the people he would give me, whatever that may mean. Maybe one day it will grow to two thousand or three thousand, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. When did I, or we, forget that we’re not building a Kingdom for ourselves? When did we buy into the lie that if we never make it on the stage at an ARC (Association of Related Churches) Conference or Acts 29 Conference as one of the fastest-growing churches or church plants, then we are failing? When did we start believing that growing a church is better than shepherding a church? God then asked me to consider a dear friend of mine that has been faithfully pastoring his church for over a decade. The church runs around 150 people. God said, “Do you think he’s a failure?” I responded to God, “Of course not, he’s so faithful!” and God replied, “faithfulness leads to fruitfulness.” I had let my fruitfulness (growth, numbers, metrics) determine my faithfulness. I wanted to quit when my numbers weren’t adding up. But God helped me remember what I want you to remember. God’s calling includes His plans!
At the end of the day, we should always be striving to get better! As pastors and as leaders, we need to know our metrics, set goals, and be inspired by others who are doing things better when it comes to creativity, efficiency, and culture. But, not as a means of determining where we should be as pastors or where our churches should be. Rather, we should look at others as a means of fueling us to be more excellent. I didn’t even realize I had bought into new and different plans than the one God and I had agreed to, but I did. The change in my heart was impacting my passion for ministry, my passion for people, and my passion for leading. Then, it honestly started to impact my marriage, my friendships, my mental health, and my relationship with Jesus!
If you are a pastor that is in this place of comparison today, then let me encourage you to come back to the original plan God called you to. At Pastor to Pastor, we want to help you keep your compass needle pointed in the right direction. God has the same plans you agreed to originally. Plans for you to shepherd the people he sends, in the church He builds, as you reach your city for His Glory! Anything weight you add onto that is up to you to carry. So when it feels too heavy, just put it down and come back to God’s plan! That’s where joy, hope, peace, and fulfillment are found. That’s the plan you can execute for the long game of pastoral ministry.
