This Isn’t What I Signed Up For
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9
“We’re going to change the city!” This is the important and necessary cry of every pastor in the world. Pastor Robert Pooley once told me that one absolute necessity for every pastor is to have a “burning bush” moment. Surely you’re familiar with the theophany Moses experienced in the desert where he saw the burning bush and God spoke to him in such a way that it was undeniable and he couldn’t unsee or not hear what had just happened. One thing I’ve learned is that regardless of whether you’re a long-tenured pastor, a recent church planter, or a pastor of a recent church succession, Pastor Robert was right, you better have a burning bush moment if you’re going to say yes to pastoring, because at every turn you’re going to come face to face with some things that truly make you say, “This isn’t what I signed up for!”
In 2018, I completed a 5-year transition plan with my father, who is my mentor and my hero in the faith. We tried our very best to do all of the steps of the plan right and plan for any- and everything that could go wrong. Despite all of our attempts and preparations, there are some things you just cannot plan for. Let me give you a timeline of my first two years of pastoring.
February 2018 - I am given the Lead Pastor role of Transformation Church.
May 2018 - My son, Jabyn, passed away from Batten Disease.
June 2018 - My wife and I attempt counseling and healing for Jabyn’s passing.
July 2018 - We go to litigation over $200,000 owed to the church from our landlord.
August 2018 - The first wave of people leave the church from the transition of me taking over as lead pastor (20%).
October 2018 - We are given an unsuccessful eviction notice while the litigation is pending.
January 2019 - We settle to receive $67,000 from our landlord’s representation.
February 2019 - We are given an update that we actually will not receive the $67,000.
March 2019 - I am diagnosed with PTSD from my son’s 3-year disease and passing.
April 2019 - We get our final eviction notice with an 8-week window to move 350 people.
May 2019 - We begin building and training our team to go portable in a movie theater.
June 2019 - We officially go portable in a movie theater with a full rebrand.
July 2019 - I have to replace my first Worship Director, who was also one of my best friends.
August 2019 - The second wave (20%) of the church decides that portable church isn’t for them and leaves.
October 2019 - Onboard two new staff members.
January 2020 - Two staff members leave.
February 2020 - I have to fire my second Worship Director for character issues.
March 2020 - COVID - need I say more on this one?
Now let me say this, my first two years weren’t ALL bad. We did see God move in unbelievable ways during this season. We saw the miraculous timing of God. We saw the miraculous provisions of God. We saw God completely transform hearts and lives. But I’ll be honest with you, during those two years that I knew God was working, I didn’t feel like it. I can’t tell you how many times I sat behind my desk or on my back porch and said, “God, this isn’t what I signed up for!”
As God does when we’re feeling this type of way, He spoke with a small yet resounding voice into my spirit and said, “Yes, it is! This is exactly what I called you for and this is exactly what I prepared you for.” As I looked back, I saw that by the grace of God I was launching businesses in my early 20’s, managing companies in my mid 20’s, and navigating the world of professional high-capacity consulting for large corporations through my late 20’s (while also serving part-time in ministry, and for a season, full-time in ministry.) I looked back and realized that God had prepared me for as much of this as possible. I had learned how to persevere through the grace of God. I learned resiliency in the face of owner transitions, large-scale acquisitions, and management shifts. I know that God spoke to me like Mordechai in Esther and said, “I brought you here for such a time as this. I gave you the experience and chose you to pastor through this season.” Then he reminded me of what I told Him when I was 17 years old, when I truly got saved and responded to the call of ministry in our little church in Pensacola. I told God, “Whatever it is, wherever it is, you have my yes!” I didn’t know what I was saying yes to, but I knew who I was saying yes to. This may not have been the situation I thought I was signing up for, but it was the leader (God) I was signing up to follow. This may not have been the circumstances I signed up for, but it is the circumstances God chose for me to have. Now, in 2022, the church has doubled in size from our 2018 attendance. God has given us the ability to purchase seven acres with 30,000 sq/ft of building and our church has over doubled in income. I never saw it coming, God just did it. That’s why Galatians is so important when it says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Maybe you’re not there yet financially, numerically, or even emotionally. Let me tell you this, God didn’t call you to figure it out, He called you to Pastor His people. When I realigned my focus with that, things changed.
Remember the burning bush moment I mentioned earlier? This is why it’s important. Without that moment, I would have quit. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what God called me to do, and I had already given Him my “yes”. As you know, Moses would go from the burning bush to the plagues, to death threats, to an indecisive Pharoah, to a mass exodus from Egypt, to the Red Sea, to a desert full of complaining people for 40 years. But he knew that even though he didn’t know what he had signed up for, he knew who he signed up for. Be encouraged today as a pastor that these situations may not have been what you saw coming, but they are what God saw coming. He knew that they would need a leader, a pastor, a shepherd, and you are it. When you feel like quitting, or you feel like you’re at your breaking point with whiny, complaining people, or you feel like you’re in a desert for a season of your life, remind yourself of your “yes”. Moreover, let Pastor to Pastor be the type of organization that surrounds you with Aarons and Hurs that help you see this journey through. God will provide the manna of substance for your passion, the water for nourishment for your soul, and the cloud of his presence for direction. We know He will because this is exactly what He asked you to sign up for.
