Reality Vs. Expectation
When I was a kid, I believed that I was created for the summer. I loved everything about summer time, the beaches, ponds, creeks, swimming pools, riding our bikes, camping in the woods near our house, and so much more. Summer time was a time of freedom, fun, and pushing the boundaries. I’ll never forget the summer when I was 11 years old. My two sisters and I were shipped off to my step-grandparents place for a whole week while my mom, and stepdad got a well-deserved mini vacation from us. But there was a problem, and it had me freaking out just a little. We were headed to Andalusia, Alabama and we weren’t taking our bikes, we weren’t close to the woods, or a pond, beach, or creek. What was I going to do for a whole week? Fortunately, I was reassured by my mom that there was a huge public pool nearby, and we could go every day. Also, my sisters who had seen the pool, let me know that there was a platform with 3 diving boards, low, mid and high at this pool. I was stoked.
A couple of weeks before we left, I began making plans to conquer diving off the top level. I saw myself, hands above my head, in my best Olympic diving pose, diving into the water. I would then emerge from the no splash entry, shake the water off my wet noggin and wave to the loud applause of the watching spectators. It was going to be glorious.
When the time came to go to the pool for the first day I had high expectations, but when I got there, I stared in disbelief. The first platform was low and like any backyard pool, the second platform directly above was little higher, but was easily doable. However, the third platform was up in the sky. In my 11 year-old mind, I could see clouds swirling around the top, and they were just taunting me and daring me to climb up.
I made short work of the low dive, and with a couple of days prep, I worked my way through the mid dive. When I tried the first time for the high dive, I got most of the way up, and then went back to the mid dive. For the next few days, I had a ball on the low and mid dives, reasoning that on the last day, I would conquer diving off the top platform.
On the last full day of our Andalusia vacation, I made the climb up the ladder, above the first platform, past the second platform and heart-racing at maximum speed, I stepped onto the high dive. I walked to the end, and I walked back to the ladder which was now backed up with eager older teens. The guy walked past me and dove off. Looked easy enough. I walked back to the end, closed my eyes, and jumped. I didn’t dive. I jumped.
And while it was exhilarating, I was also disappointed. So, I tried to just put it out of my mind, but it continued to stand there in the distance, taunting me, almost daring me to try. I put it off and put it off until finally my sisters informed me, it was time to go. I begged them for one more try on the high dive. They said yes, and I made the final climb. I got to the top, went confidently to the end of the board, put my hands over my head in diving position, and taking a deep breath, I jumped.
Defeated! And yet, it was so depressing. In my mind, and my plans, it was all so easy, but when all was said and done, my reality was not where my expectation was, and I thought about it all summer long.
Ok, I was 11. Not the end of the world. But it brings up a question, what happens when the reality of our situation is far less than our expectation? I remember when I planted our church 25 years ago. At the end of that first year, I was sure we would top 500. Instead, we were settled in at a growing and enthusiastic 60. We had an amazing group of people, ministry was happening, so many cool things were going on, but I felt like I had jumped off the diving board. Disappointment.
Disappointment is one of life’s most depressing and ego-crushing words.
Over the years, I’ve learned reality and expectations can many times be very far apart. Ever go to the pizza place to get the amazing pizza you saw on a TV commercial and wound up with cheezy cardboard? Ever buy expensive concert tickets to see your favorite band and realize that they are great only in the studio? It happens.
But when it happens in ministry, it can be devastating. Many church pastors that I have talked to have told me time and time again what they thought pastoring a church would be like. It is almost never what we imagined.
A friend of mine pastored a 7,000 member church that he started with 35 people. He told me it took him 3 years to get the 35, and then it took another 3 years to get rid of them. But eventually, the church exploded.
And while there were moments of euphoria at the new growth, and there was the rejoicing of life change, growing churches have their problems too. Each level brought new challenges. Facilities, staffing, leadership development, and vision casting in an ever changing flux of an environment. The point is, reality and expectation can take on a lot of different forms.
What is it like for you as a church planter, or church pastor? What kind of toll has expectation vs. reality had on you? Has it caused you to want to quit? Are you dealing with depression, anxiety, or stress? Is it affecting your friendships, your marriage, or your children? Have you ever found yourself thinking, “This just isn’t what I thought it was going to be?” Well sometimes, you need a listening ear and a little guidance from people who have been there.
At Pastor to Pastor, we have a team and the resources to help you move past the disappointment and continue to fulfill the dream of God in your life. Let us come alongside you on the journey. We are just a phone call away.
And about that pool and the 11-year-old? At 11, I didn’t have someone to coach me. If I had someone to walk me through it, someone I could confide my doubts and fears to, someone who had been on the high dive to help me develop my strategy, I might just might’ve made that dive. Let us be that safe, listening ear and voice.
