When Ministry Doesn’t Feel Like Home - Pt 2

“We are hoping for something we do not have yet, and we are waiting for it patiently.” - Romans 8:25

As I sat and read through the original blog post, “When Ministry Doesn’t Feel Like Home”, I thought about the necessary focus we all must have as pastors in “the end” more than “the now”. I’ve referenced how God graciously reminded me of what He called me to in other Pastor to Pastor blogs. At my church, we’ve made it a point to start the process of discipling through the lens of eschatology. We need to make sure we’re building disciples with a clear understanding that this world is not our home and when we stand before God, He’s not going to care about how our son played baseball, how our daughter did at cheerleading or the societal status we had acquired. He’s going to want to know how we carried out the mission he called us to live out. As I read the first blog of “When Ministry Doesn’t Feel Like Home” by Pastor Dan, I considered how we’re oftentimes not built to Pastor with the end in mind either. He touched on this idea at the end of that blog but I want to elaborate on this idea a level deeper.

What does it mean to “Pastor with the end in mind”? I have been so guilty at a young age to build a ministry that is so dependent on me that it’s embarrassing to admit. Teaching classes, leading small groups, counseling, preaching, and going to meetings with this idea that nobody else knows what I know, can do what I do, or will do it as well as I will. I need to be there to make sure that everything is done the “right way”. Here’s the real question I’ve had to ask myself, “Who am I trusting to ensure that God’s church is built?” I would tell you with my words that I’m trusting the Lord. I would tell you with my actions that I’m trusting myself. I would tell you with my voice that all of this is riding on God. I would tell you with my presence that if I’m not there it fails because I’ve built a culture where this one statement is subconscious and damaging:

“We only need God for all the things I can’t do myself”.

I know this sounds ludicrous and heretical because it is. That doesn’t stop me from subliminally communicating this to my team, my staff, and my church at every turn. Here’s the problem though, can I really be mad when people follow the “culture of dependency on me” that I built, largely due to my own insecurities? Then that culture turns its ugly head as the people in it begin to bite the very hand that feeds them. Have I created an expectation for my people that “I will always be there” only to discover that I have built a dependency on myself instead of God? Moreover, realizing that I might have communicated that idea to them so that they would love “me”, love “my” church, love “my” leadership, and join “my” mission? The problem here is that we build these cultures to grow, not realizing the growth from these cultures causes the very thing that makes them impossible to sustain. The great poet Christopher George Latore Wallace, AKA, The Notorious B.I.G., once said, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems”. In the church world, it’s “mo’ people, mo’ problems”. It’s not that people are problems, it’s that as more people show up, so do the needs, wants, opinions, and more. We make people dependent on us to grow the church, and as the church grows those same people realize we can’t be depended on. Not because we don’t want to, but because we’re merely humans with human limitations. Why do we do this?

The God Complex

I have found that for many pastors the great issue we have is the need to be needed. Not only do we have a “need to be needed”, but we truly believe if we’re not in that meeting the team will flounder. If we’re not the first to show up and last to leave, the vision can’t happen and the church could suffer. If we’re not doing that counseling then the family can’t get the divine wisdom that could save their marriage. If we’re not leading that event then nobody will show up and if they do show up they won’t value it because we weren’t leading it. If we don’t preach 50 weeks out of the year, our services will suffer and the presence of God will be limited in its impact. Would we say these things out loud? No. Do we inwardly believe them? Absolutely! Here’s the real struggle though, none of those things are bad. To want the vision to move forward, marriages and families to be healed, events to be successful, and our service to impact people through the Holy Spirit are all good things! So what’s the problem?

The problem isn’t that you don’t want the right things. The problem is that you have placed the wrong person at the center of that right thing. More than your church needs you to do everything, your church needs you to be the best at the things only you can do. The Holy Spirit can speak through an elder or other pastor into someone’s marriage, just as He can speak through you. The Holy Spirit can speak through another Sunday morning communicator that you have equipped and prepared to preach on Sundays, just like He can speak through you. You have to believe that God truly wants your church to thrive as much as you do, and then move out of the way so that He can use other people in the right moments and at the right times to fulfill His purpose. Because it is HIS purpose.

Ministry Feels Like Home When We’re In The Right Seat

At my father’s house, my dad has “his seat”. When he’s walking into the living room, we always get up and offer it to him. It’s a respect thing. It’s his house. It’s his chair. We just ate his food. We ate his food under his roof. We’re about to fall asleep on his couch, in his living room, after eating his food, under his roof. Forgive my redundancy, I’m trying to make a point. It’s all HIS. I don’t need to sit in his seat because it’s not mine to sit in. Sure, I can occupy it for a while, but to take it from him robs me of the opportunity to honor the one who is responsible for everything we’re enjoying. By continuing to honor him, we continue to be invited for these moments of fellowship. It’s the same way in the Father’s house. When we honor the Father, God, the way we should, we are remembering where our place is. You shouldn’t sit in the big chair and be worshiped in His house, because it’s His house. Get out of His chair and let Him sit in the place of honor, reverence, and respect. Let Him be worshiped and adored. Let Him be the focal point. As you do this, you can rest knowing that He is responsible for the food of nourishment for His body, the church. You know He will give the house the covering that it needs, the Holy Spirit. Moreover, we know that He will continue to bring us into His presence again and again. Ministry will always feel like home when you’re in the right seat in the Father’s House.

At Pastor to Pastor we know how hard it is to forget that God is God and we are not. We have all been in the same position you are in. We know what it feels like to be tired and burdened with feeling like you have to build the house, prepare the meal, feed the people, and clean up the mess that follows. We also have some experience in letting go of what we can’t do on our own. If you are in need of help personally, let us be there for you to help you grow as you place God in His rightful place in your life and in your church. Moreover, if we can help you with building a culture of honor to the King of Kings where you may have a culture that wants the Pastor to be the king, we can do that too. Don’t hesitate to contact us and we will be there to help!