The Fear Of The Weekly Schedule

Ministry has challenges. No, I get it. It’s not fresh information. But it’s a daily truth, and sometimes when we look at our calendar for the week, there are all kinds of things we are facing that just might be difficult. Do you ever overthink those kind of things?

As I am writing this, my week started off with a staffing change and I was very nervous about the meeting. My schedule was full and crowded because on Thursday I have to have eye surgery to repair a muscle in my eye. Not exactly life threatening, but a little intense nonetheless. And I am still speaking on Sunday, if all goes well. Add to that, staff meetings, appointments, ministry events, a weekly prayer room, and… and… well, you get it. Ministry has challenges. Life has challenges.

In the early days of ministry, I would target those types of scheduled events, circle them in my mind, and think about them. Rehearsing the bad news scenarios, and thinking and preparing for how things could go wrong. Believe for the best, but prepare for the worst. The problem was not the strategy, the problem was my fear about the upcoming situations, and the stress I had to deal with to get through the week. The problem was also after doing my due diligence in preparing for each event, I would then overthink them.

About twelve years ago, this sort of thing led to a massive burnout in my life, which led to panic attacks, (I had never had one and don’t recommend them), anxiety and some depression. Fear can do a number on our life.

This story is as old as the Bible itself. If you go to Genesis, chapters 32 and 33, you find Jacob returning to the home of his relatives after years away. God has spoken to him that it is time to go home, and so he loads up the U-Hauls and starts the journey. He is met by angels on his way and stops at a place he calls “God’s camp.” While there, he calls some servants to come and he gives them a message for his brother Esau, who he is nervous about seeing again, and he lets his brother know that he is returning home.

Then he starts to think about the coming reunion, and he makes plans for the worst-case scenario situation. 

Then comes the memorable story where God touched Jacob's thigh and leaves him with limp, while at the same time bringing healing. (I’m summing all this up, because you have preached these stories many times.)

Shortly after this, the messengers return in Genesis 33, and let Jacob know, “Esau is coming at a high rate of speed, and he has 400 Soldiers.” Jacob is remembering God’s words to him to go home to his kindred, and that God has the desire to do good in his life. At the same time, the facts are… Esau is coming, fast, and with a lot of people.

Driven by the circumstances, he prepares for the coming of his brother, but when Esau arrives, he is overjoyed to see his brother and everything goes well, best case scenario. Isn’t it always true that it’s better to trust what God says, instead of what our circumstances and events seem to be saying?

Sometimes, one of the worst parts of our schedule is the undue attention that we give to the less desirable aspects of ministry, the possibly difficult meetings, the tough decisions, the struggles in relationships, balancing ministry with our personal life, and I could go on and on.

When I went through my burnout, I remember the anxiety would get so bad, that I would wake up for hours in the middle of the night, overthinking things, and dwelling on the circumstances. The lack of sleep, and the dread of the difficult aspects of ministry, the panic attacks and anxiety, they were all draining my joy. I began to beg God to let me do something else. Anything else. Let’s admit it, there have been times for all of us where we have envied that guy that goes to work, punches a clock and when he’s done, his day is over. But that is not the life of ministry. It’s not. Ministry is challenging.

While I walked through the season of burnout, I began to move into a new level of faith and trust in the God that is faithful. I would wake up in fear, and simply begin to say to God, “Father I trust you. I know you have me. My life is yours. I trust you.” It wasn’t always the exact same words, but speaking my faith in a trustworthy God was my agenda.

In the early part of that season, I would sometimes repeat those phrases over and over again, sometimes more than 50-75 times until I could finally go back to sleep. Later, it moved to 30, then 20, then 10. Now, when the enemy wakes me up to try to make fear, I can say it once, with faith, and go back to sleep. My God is faithful.

I learned to lean into the Word of God in my life in a much deeper way. I came to know God in a far more intimate way than I ever had. During this season, I met with a Christian Psychologist who specializes in counseling pastors and missionaries. I was so fortunate that I have always had a group of pastors that I speak to regularly, who know me and I know them. Who encourages me and I encourage them. You cannot do ministry in a bubble. You have to have people around you, who understands exactly what you face.

It was a long road back, but it was fruitful and ministry went from being overly filled with dread, to being overly passionate about listening to and following the voice of God.

So, what does all this have to do with our schedule? I’m glad you asked. Did I mention that ministry is challenging? Our schedules can be challenging. The circumstances flying around us can be daunting. The pressure to fall into fear, overthinking, and anxiety can come at us when we’re least expecting it.

But in my life, during my season of burnout, something shifted. I look at my life and realize that I have survived every worst moment of my life, and my faith is not only intact, but it is stronger than ever. Yes, even this week, there were some problematic things on the agenda, but half the week is over and God has met me in every single one. And I know that when you read this, my surgery will have also been a success.

Nowadays, I don’t tend to overthink my schedule. I still plan ahead, and I roughly go over the “Believe for the best, and prepare for the worst strategy” and then I rest in the arms of Jesus, because He is faithful. He is trustworthy. The Holy Spirit will lead me and guide me through each one, giving me insight before, during and after. I have great counsel from other pastors around me. My heart is full of the Word of God. And life is good, and ministry is amazing, (mostly, insert smiley face).

So, how about you? Do you tend to overthink upcoming scheduled events? Do you tend to get caught up in the circumstances, and sometimes forget what God has spoken to you? Who are the pastors around you that offer support? Are you ministering in confidence through every part of your schedule?

At Pastor to Pastor, we are here to help you. We have many years of ministry experience between our team. We have experienced much of the same things you have, and have survived and even begun to thrive again. Don’t sacrifice your mental well-being because of anxiety, fear, and overthinking. Let us help you through what you are going through. There are multiple ways we can help. Use our resources, attend a retreat, listen to our regular podcasts, read the blogs, or schedule a phone call.  Help is an email away.