Radical Reconstruction Of A Pastor

As a man who has served in full-time ministry for 43 years, I very well understand the painful seasons of ministry. From my son getting into a motorcycle accident and watching him lie in a hospital bed with zero chance to live for 24 days then suddenly a miracle happens and life is breathed back into him. Then to be taken on a 3 1/2 year journey after my 18-month-old grandson is diagnosed with a very rare terminal neurological degenerative disease. To stand day in and day out holding on to the promises of God’s word to only stand beside his bed with his head in my arms as he breathed his last breath. Not only did I lose my grandson, I had to watch my son lose his son and try to find the words to bring comfort during such a time to both him and his amazing wife. Following this, my daughter found out her 16-year marriage was over due to infidelity, and a one-year journey followed as her ex-husband displayed unimaginable anger, hate, and violence toward her and my 14-year-old granddaughter. Each situation had one thing in common, ME. I am their father, their grandfather, I am their pastor. I am supposed to fix everything for them. Yet these things, I could not fix. Talk about seeing my humanity, my weaknesses, my insecurities - I was on full display. Not so much to them, but to how I saw myself. My theology was deeply challenged. I was no longer sure of what I believed. Was everything I preached a lie? Does God even care? I give my life to the front-line ministry and I get this? The reality of my brokenness was evident to everyone around me. I was a man on a downward spiral. The pastor needed a pastor. I was the one who had helped rescue many, but now needed to be rescued.

I Wasn’t Alone.

Thankfully I had a circle of ministers around me who saw my crisis and reached out to me with wise counsel, encouragement, and accountability. I began to see a professional therapist (one of the greatest decisions of my life). I had scheduled times to meet with specific pastor friends who spoke life and direction into me. My son, the one who lost his son and now pastors our church, Transformation Church, literally became one of the most powerful voices in my life. Today he is pastoring one of the fastest-growing churches in the nation while I get to do what I was born to do during this season of my life - love and lead pastors. Throughout my journey, I was brought to a place of reflection thinking, “Am I alone?” Not even close. Pulpit after pulpit has a man in it every Sunday. A broken and hurting man who has learned how to function in his dysfunction. A man who has learned how to cope, rather than acknowledge and expose his weakness to find the help he so desperately needs. 

Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them. He said: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kind of things against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:1-10 

What Jesus promises us as his ministers is not a spiritual gimmick or game to give us spiritual goosebumps. It's not something inside of us that has to be pumped up like a quarterback at a pep rally. No, Matthew 5 describes God’s radical reconstruction of our heart. Look at the sequence of action that takes us on this journey. First, we recognize that we, as the pastor/shepherd, are in need (poor in spirit). Next, we find ourselves repenting of our self-sufficiency (we mourn). We stop trying to be in charge and surrender control over to God (we become meek). We become so grateful for his presence that we find ourselves yearning and longing for more of him (hunger and thirst). 

What does this actually mean to us as pastors? It means we are just like the people we minister to every week. We are human. We deal with the same issues our people face on a daily basis. We stop, look, and listen, as we recognize that God alone will fill the deep cries of our hearts. The same message that we have preached for years and ministered to our people now becomes the message for us. 

So What Now?

So what now? We must now set ourselves aside as a leader in need and start a step-by-step journey in both seeking and allowing God to rebuild and reconstruct our heart. The first step is to simply ask God for help, to become “poor in spirit” and admit our need for not just a Savior, but for the Helper. The next step is sorrow: “Blessed are those who mourn.” Those who mourn are those leaders who know they are wrong in areas of their lives and tell God they are sorry. No excuses. No justification. Just honesty. Just some genuine tears. Something many ministers have lost. The first steps are admitting our inadequacy and repenting to God for our pride. The next step is one of renewal: “Blessed are the meek…” Our realization of our weakness leads us to the source of our strength, God. The first two beatitudes walk us through the fire of purification; the third places us in the hands of our Heavenly Father. The result of this process is the radical reconstruction of a pastor. A process that generates hope, stirs up faith, energizes the soul, and replaces fear with genuine courage. “They shall inherit the earth..” No longer do we allow the hurts, betrayals, failures, and fears of the earth to dominate and defeat us. We now, once again, acknowledge that we as his pastors/shepherds, follow and serve the one who both created and dominates the earth. 

We as pastors are just as human as the people we minister to. We know it. We tell them. Yet so often we live our lives as though we are immortal. The fact is oftentimes we are the most broken and hurting in our church. We just can't let anyone know it. Trying to minister out of this hurt and brokenness will eventually lead to our own destruction. STOP. TAKE A MOMENT. Look deep inside and be honest with yourself. Call out to your Heavenly Father and spill it all out. His calling, anointing, and promises have not changed for you. He just needs to do a little reconstruction before you can handle them. Let him. Moreover, as you begin this journey of reconstruction, find a licensed therapist or counselor to talk to. Along with that, identify a pastor friend who can walk the journey with you. Never do reconstruction alone. An accountability partner is A MUST. Not just accountability to avoid sin, but to be transparent. The “How are you doing?” questions are more important than “What are you doing wrong?” questions during this season. If you do not already have that pastor, Pastor to Pastor is committed to helping you through this journey as well. We are a phone call away. All we ask is that you take a moment and reach out to us. We know your journey, your pain, your confusion. We are here to be a safe place for you to begin and fulfill a road of reconstruction. Let’s do this together!