The Guilt Of Rest

“I can’t believe you are taking a break to rest. How dare you!”

This statement rings in my head constantly when I find myself in moments of rest. The very first time I sat on my couch on a Wednesday at 1:00 in the afternoon while my team was at the office working, I heard this lie in my head. I almost got up, got dressed, and went to the office to work on something, anything! I just couldn’t process the idea of resting while everyone else was working. The job of a pastor is taxing and exhausting, and it doesn’t use a time clock to know when you’re “off work”. Late-night calls and texts, hospital visits, and emergency situations are common for us. Since your work schedule isn’t normal, your rest schedule won’t be either. Sure, you’re resting while they’re working, but your team has had plenty of times where they ate dinner with their family while you got called away for a sick congregant. They haven’t had family vacations cut short due to a loss in your church. They may work hard and be amazing contributors to the vision God gave you for your church, but they’re never going to be the visionary for your church. Therefore, they won’t need the strategic, and oftentimes random, moments of rest you will need to experience as the leader.

The Moment It All Changed

I’ll never forget when I made the shift as a pastor. I had gone on a pastor’s retreat where I was surrounded by many men with 10 or more years of experience than I did. This trip was one where I was asked to let my walls down and build authentic relationships with other pastors who weren’t a threat to me in any way. We were just there to build community. They were full of energy, life, and joy, and though they had their own issues to deal with, they seemed “good”. I walked in the first night and I wasn’t okay. I was tired, hurting, frustrated, wounded, angry, sad, and empty. Interestingly enough, my church was in a great place, but I wasn’t. As I spent five days with these men laughing, crying, golfing, eating, and laughing more, I found myself being filled up. What was this feeling? What was this that I needed internally as I was getting the community I was so desperately needing externally? I talked to one of the guys who is now one of my close friends and sits on my advisory board for my church. He said, “Brother, what you’re missing is consistent rest”. I knew this already, but I didn’t realize how badly I needed it. He was right! I’m not good at resting. I’m a builder, visionary, dreamer, worker, and executor. My engine never stops… until it does. That’s where I was when I walked into this retreat. My “engine” was out of oil.

When The Lights Come On

In 2023 we all have vehicles that let us know when our oil needs to be changed, or when we’re low on gas. Those little warning icons show up and we know there is a clock on how far we can go before doing some maintenance. You can only ignore those lights for so long before trouble starts. Can I ask you a question? Do you have the same mentality toward the spiritual, emotional, and physical lights in your life? We all know that there are moments where something in you is saying, “I can’t keep doing this. Something has to change.” Oftentimes we think of whether we have the “gas” to keep on going. “I’m gassed out” or “I’m out of gas” are common phrases we use when we’re tired. Here’s the thing, as pastors and leaders, we’re wired to keep going. Rarely do we truly run out of gas, but more often than we realize we are so low on oil.

Jesus Did It… So Should You

Matthew 14:13-23

When Jesus heard what had happened (John’s death), he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. 14 When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.”

16 Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.” 17 “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered.

18 “Bring them here to me,” he said. 19 And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. 20 They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. 21 The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children.

22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.

In the book of Matthew, Jesus made it a point to “get away” twice. Each time ministry opportunities weren’t too far away. And yet, he found time to get away to rest and pray. He knew what you also know. You can’t pour out of an empty tank. Leading on empty is impossible (let me take a moment to plug Wayne Cordeiro’s book “Leading on Empty”). Jesus had moments where he needed to be alone and needed to pray. Jesus had moments between feeding people, and rescuing the disciples on the boat, and he needed to make sure he was connected to the Father. Does that not sound familiar to you? How often do we go from feeding our church with the Word of God on Sunday morning, and then we go straight into Monday through Saturday saving the people we’re discipling from drowning in their marriages, jobs, education, relationships, family issues, counselings, and more? On top of that, we have to prepare the sermon to feed them again next week. And then on top of that, our family needs attention. Our wife needs us. Our kids have soccer, baseball, football, cheerleading, etc. Oh, and we need to take care of our physical bodies. Don’t forget the lunch meetings, impromptu counseling over coffee, and breakfast with the business leaders in your church. The moment you say “no” to someone, are they going to leave? If I delegate this to a staff member, will they know the right things to say? “I’ll just do it myself” becomes the mantra of ministry. But it can’t be that way forever.

Let me encourage you to make the conscious decision to start seeing rest as an investment rather than a distraction. Stop looking at rest as a negative thing and appreciate it as your source of connection with the Father. I have three more blogs dropping over the next couple of months where we look at the difference between being “low on oil” and “low on gas”, and how we can use our church's metrics to be content with resting well during “cruise control”. We’re also going to look at some of the retreats and resources we have to help you find rest. I want to invite you to be completely content with resting. Like one of my overseers told me, “If it’s good for you, it’s good for your church”.